About 4 weeks ago as I was leaving class, a girl in my class approached me. Her pretense was about some presentation she had to do for our class. I had never spoken to this girl or noticed her before, but evidently she sits behind me. We talked for 40 minutes about ourselves in which I found out she doesn't like video games, anime, camping, hiking, or drinking, so... not much in common. She ended up getting around to saying that she thought I was cool, and she would like to hang out sometime over spring break. I said sure because I was flattered and didn't want to be rude to this girl who had the courage to approach me in the first place.
As I was busy painting my room the very next day, she starts texting me a lot asking what I was doing. I responded by saying I was busy painting the trim in my room. She responded by saying she was lying in bed looking at memes and continuing to text me (this was at 2 in the afternoon). So she's lazy, and I keep myself busy. Again not much in common. She asked if I could hang out in an hour, so I said sure (putting my painting project on hold).
We went to the park, and she bought a piece of pie, grabbed and extra fork (without asking me), and started to periodically offer me bites of pie. Not really in my comfort zone for a first
date hang out. Then we walked and talked for about 3 hours, mostly about her, and any time I tried to relate something to myself she managed to put the focus back on her and her friends. After we had talked for a while she pulled out a book of "songs" she wrote in high school, and handed them to me. I read a couple which had to do with first hand experiences of bulimia, anorexia, and cutting. I asked her what kind of music she had in mind for them, and she said she didn't have anything planned for them, just lyrics. Every last word of every line rhymed with the last word of the line before, so not great, but I was being polite by changing the subject. She then proceeded to read every song in the book to me (about 9 total), all dealing with the same high school bull shit (she's 21). I showed her some of my music, and she seemed disinterested, again shifting the focus back to her music. The "hang out" kind of fizzled out from there.
I determined from that, that we were not compatible, and decided I would not go on any future
dates hang outs with her.
One week later she asked me to hang out again. I was completely disinterested, but I didn't want to have to keep making up excuses not to hang out with her, and I wanted a clean break. I didn't want to hurt her by ghosting, so I decided to hurt her with honesty. I told her I was not interested in anything further. I knew full well that "hanging out" is a cop-out way of asking someone on a date without it being considered a date. It makes someone seem like a real big jerk if they refuse to hang out with you as opposed to refusing to date you.
I left the conversation there, not wanting to have anything to do with her anymore.
Today she approached me thinking that I didn't get her last message about me misreading things. I told her I didn't misread anything, I just didn't think we were compatible. We don't share any common interests, and we're in different phases of life. I have limited time, taking 6 hours of classes and working 36 hours, so I have to be careful with how I spend it, and who I spend it with. She asked if it mattered that we don't have common interests. Umm... yes. It matters. Then she asked if we were just not going to talk or hang out anymore. I said I guess.
So now, hopefully, that is done.
I just don't understand how you would want to be friends with someone with no previous history of communication or anything. She just thought I "looked cool" which again, is flattering, but that is not what friendships are based on.
I learned at 17 what a lot of people seem to still not understand: Not everyone is going to like you, and that's OK. They don't have to, and that is not your problem, it's theirs.
Sorry for the long post, but this has been on my mind for a little while, and I feel like today it was finally concluded.
"Heartless Bastard Mother Fucker" is a song by Frank Turner.