wideeyeddave FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Fake Professor

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from Scotland

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    • Dear Mr Jon Ry-sin-jer (an open letter)

      in Forums > Dear Mr Jon Ry-sin-jer (an open letter) | Follow this topic

      wideeyeddave Fake Professor

      As you are no doubt aware by now, with the rise in people saying "gif" with a "J" and the constant evolution of words and language it has become necessary to slightly alter the pronunciation of your name to keep in fitting with modern standards. Henceforth from now on your name is to be pronounced with a "J" instead of "G".  You won't have to change anything else as the spelling will remain the same, but we must insist that when you introduce yourself you state your full name as "Mr Jonathan Ry-sin-jer"

      As all our attempts to contact you have failed and we have had no complaints or appeals from you over the court's decision we have gone ahead and made that official for you.  Please inform your friends, family and business relations of this minor change to your name's pronunciation.


      Yours sincerely


      *sign here*


      of the organisation what does the official words and stuff, voles and doing words, nouns too.


      (private, for Mr Burns eyes only. Operation Ruin Risinger Branding *O*R*R*B is a go, repeat we are go for beginning the operation where we slowly dismantle his marketability for whatever reason you said.)

      4 replies

    • WTF America?

      in Forums > WTF America? | Follow this topic

      wideeyeddave Fake Professor

      Okay Moderators, get your topic locking fingers ready to click, because I think there's something we should discuss.


      President Loud Offensive Flatulence 

      (for that is what the word "trump" means over here in the rest of the world)


      Why did you make this happen.  We're all in shock, stunned by this conscious decision to commit country wide slow suicide where the best case scenario is that you only drag your country 100 years behind the rest of the world and don't take any other countries down with you.

      You voted for a man who bragged and gloated about committing sexual assaults and called it locker room banter.  I don't think prisons have lockers, but I think that's about the only place where you can expect to hear people talking about such things.

      You've made Vladimir Putin very very happy... think about that.  Go on, let it really sink in... consider the significance of this.  A billionaire, KGB trained, homophobic, closet dictator president who has reduced his own country's elections to a foregone conclusion, even before the mysterious disappearance or imprisonment of his political opponents.  And he's the only world leader to have so far congratulated Trump on winning.


      Do people just not take an interest in politics in America?  When an angry orange man shouts stuff like "america is bad now, I'll make it not be bad and everyone will get their own unicorn" do any of you stop to ask "Well... how? How are you going to do that Donald?" and don't simply let him get away with saying "oh I have a plan, it's the greatest plan in the world ever, trust me".

      The slightest bit of scrutiny of a Donald Trump cunning plan just brings up more reasons why it would never work and all the disastrous consequences of attempting it his way, and he has loads of plans, well, he says he has plans... he won't tell you what those plans are because they're super special secret apparently.


      (huh, weird coincidence, is there any connection between the character "Donald Duck" and the fact that "trump" sounds like a word to describe a duck's fart?)


      Anyways, just thought I'd add a topic so that people can chat about the new world order that seems to have emerged today... Please tell us it's all going to be okay.



      13 replies

  • About Me

    Born at the age of 40 in a small mining town in the "Deadzone" area of Scotland (between Glasgow and Ravenscraig, the bit where radio signals can't reach). Dave spent the first two decades attempting to flee the Deadzone until he eventually reached Glasgow and began drinking. About a decade after that he returned to Scotland with fantastical tales of wonder and woe. He spoke of being swallowed by a giant serpent of metal and glass that carried him to the land of Dragons where he was chased by pitchfork wielding welshmen to a place where the skies were blue and there was something called "Sunlight" and hundreds of "Tories" roamed the land. (Tories were mythical creatures that once ravaged Scotland in search of sheep and oil and tried to steal our unicorn.) Anyways, nobody believed him, and he now makes furniture out of old scrap wood.


    Dave is a totally real scientist and knows all the science, fisics, chemicalistry and the other one.

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